Hey you~!

Some time has passed since last time I wrote. I once again shall apologize for that, but as you’ve probably noticed by now, my updating habits happen to be very sporadic at best. I got some updates for you regarding my situation.

Since my last post I’ve had some time to think things through and I’ve decided to take it one step further and ask my former psychologist to send a recommendation to Rikshospitalet regarding my situations and my thoughts. I’m not sure what I feel about it, but I feel somewhat relieved and at the same time, a bit scared. I know that me and my former psychologist weren’t exactly on the same page regarding my situation, so I’m wondering what he’ll write in my recommendation letter. Hopefully it won’t be all bad and shining with his thoughts only. But I guess I’ll never know.

The reason why I feel a tad scared about it, is because I’ve read some horrible stories about how they treat people seeking them out for professional help. I think I’ve mentioned that before, but anyways it’s still something I’m a bit concerned about. I’ll try and find others who’s been there and experienced them before and see if people have anything positive to say about them at all. Hopefully it’s not all bad. 🙂

Also to point out why I’ve finally decided to do this, is because ever since I decided to try and keep on as I always have, the thoughts haven’t disappeared. My emotions are still fucked up beyond recognition (sorry for the bad language), and I still feel out of place. Like I’m at a crossroads, not sure whether to go left or right. Because of that, I still lose sleep at nights. Thankfully that’s gotten better. It’s not as bad as it was 6 months ago, but it does happen from time to time and it ruins my days, my mood and generally my relationship to my employer. So far there’s been some turbulence due to my lack of attendance at times, but I’ve managed to explain myself so they’re very patient with me! (thank <insert deity/religion/belief here>)

Today I also got another doctor’s certificate.  Which means 20% time off from work. Hopefully it’ll help a tad with making life a bit easier for me during the weekdays. So all that’s left for now is to continue and try and figure out whether going all out and live my life as a woman is the next step to achieve a life I’ll be happy with. Hopefully with the help of Rikshospitalet I’ll be able to land on a conclusion.