It’s been some time since I last wrote something here and quite frankly, I haven’t bothered to. Since last time I’ve spent 5 weeks of from work and 2 weeks on vacation. I didn’t spend the 3 weeks of vacation which I originally planned, but maybe I should after all. Not sure really. 
One thing is certain though, I don’t feel as confused as before about my situation. I think my mind has calmed down around one thought these days and that is to continue on as I have until now. Which means I won’t pursue to receive any medical treatment to undergo changes to my body. Now whether it is the correct decision or not will show itself over the course of the years to come. I might regret it for the rest of my life or I might think back when I’m older that it was the correct decision to make. For myself that is.

Last wednesday I was talking with a psychiatrist actually. He had read my paper which I wrote earlier (and posted here) and in addition asked me several questions regarding me, my thoughts, why I feel/think like I do and so on. After the time I spent with him he came to the conclussion that I should focus on making the most out of the situation I’m in right now. Which means not to pursue HRT/SRS etc. I can totally understand why he promotes that towards me, because ultimately it’ll be the easiest way for me to continue on. I didn’t feel that I agreed a hundred percent with him when I talked with him and I don’t feel that I do now. But on the other hand I’m going back on the 30th. He also seemed to try and push me to say that it was because I’m depressed from time to time that I feel like I do. I can understand that viewpoint as well. But as of lately I’ve been pretty happy because I feel I’ve changed a little, so I’m not gonna fall for that solution just yet. I still think towards what’s been bothering me for some time even when I’m feeling good. But as with all other things in life, time will tell. On a side note you’ve probably noticed that I like that phrase. I use it quite often. 🙂

Anyways I’ve thought a little about what the psychologist told me. To make the most out of my current situation. And I’ve kind of come upon a solution, or something similar to it. That is simply to just say ­«fuck you» to the people who are ignorant and are more interested in saying crap about people they don’t know, and go on with my merry life and go out as a girl whenever I feel like it. If I did that, I feel that I can cope with my answer thus far. Now that isn’t to far from what I’m doing today, but it’s still a big leap in itself.

Now to justify the reasons why I feel somewhat content with my current answer to the question regarding HRT/SRS is first and foremost:

  • I only fall in love with girls
  • I want kids who’s inherited my genes

No matter how you twist and turn upon those two, my current situation answers those questions the best. So I might as well get comfy with how my situation is and continue on.

So to end this post… I’d love to hear your thoughts upon the matter. 🙂